I’ve noticed that quite a few of the comics have involved gratuitous acts of violence recently. We’re not violent people by the way, and we don’t advocate the use of violence. I personally believe that violence is never the answer. Mind control is the answer.

- Matt

Sorry for the big gap between updates. We haven’t been sitting around drinking gin and playing old megadrive games plugged through my flatmate’s wall projector, if that’s what you’re thinking  (Battletoads is an excellent game).

We have been writing comics, but for actual real-life printing on actual real-life paper! Can’t tell you much about the publication at this stage, but we’ll definitely be letting you know where you can see it when it comes out.

- Matt

That’s Rousseau there with the blood. He was the first person to have the idea that The Prince – rather than being the founding text of modern statecraft – was actually an ingeniously sneaky political satire meant to expose the wannabe Princes as the giant dicks they undoubtably were. I realise this probably isn’t common knowledge … the only reason I know is because – awesomely – I had the opportunity to teach Machiavelli in a political philosophy paper recently. Lots of people have tried to run with this interpretation, claiming that Machiavelli was actually a republican democrat (he totally was), that he was sending up the Medici’s (he so wasn’t), and even that he was secretly attempting to “undo Lorenzo Medici by giving him advice that would jeopardize his power, hasten his overthrow, and allow for the resurgence of the Florentine republic” (craazy!) Yeah Machiavelli was a republican, but it’s hard to be a proper republican if your country has no state; The Prince just describes the fact that there is no state or nation in history that hasn’t been founded on massive violence. He also lets us know that any state at least partially dependant on consent, if it’s going to last, is going to have to learn how to deceive its citizenry. In a way he probably created the biggest, fattest, ugliest paradox of western political philosophy: the whole edifice that makes morality possible is itself based on immorality. I also find it funny that the Italians still can’t have a state.

The other guy is Kant. He’s there because he looks humorous with a crossbow bolt in his head.

- Matt

Hey, a comic! It’s been a while. Sorry about that, I hope we’re still cool.

For the few of you who live in New Zealand and love spending money on tickets to comedy shows, I some exciting news for you – I have a show in the New Zealand International Comedy Festival, which runs throughout May. I’m doing a week in Auckland and a week in Wellington. For details click here.

Also, if you are in New Zealand right now (or are running through a proxy that is) you can see me being funny on TV here.

- Nick

Thanks to Richard Hackshaw for the best part of this joke.

I like Aristotle’s flute analogy because it provides a philosophical legitimation for being a complete snob in every situation. It’s just to prevent inferior flute players from possessing the best flutes not only because the inferior flute player will degrade the flute (by getting their filthy fingerprints all over it, probably dropping it in the toilet, trying to use it as a whisky still etc). The crappy flautist’s crappy flute playing degrades the entire art and practice of flute playing. A bad teacher degrades teaching; bad poetry degrades poetry; bad writing degrades writing – so on. Dammit – can’t you see? When you download a John Mayer album, you’re not just hurting the people who might (through no fault of their own) inadvertently hear you playing a John Mayer album at some point. You’re hurting music man. Music.

Why can’t anyone think about the music?

Sorry about the extended hiatus. Promise it won’t be long before our next one.

- Matt

Yes, that’s a stoa in the background, Zeno of Citium fans. Boy, them Greeks sure knew how to fancy up a porch. Also, Merry Christmas! And happy Hanukkah to all our Jewish fans! I have to just assume we have Jewish fans, as Google won’t tell you how many Jews visit your site. Yet.

- Nick

This is easily the longest comic we’ve ever done — it’s like a little mini graphic novel unto itself; like Watchmen, but about pus. Finishing it has left me too exhausted to write a proper blog post, so instead I’m going to go and get drunk and play Goldeneye with Matt.

I should mention though that there is new stuff in our already amazing store! We have two whole new shirts, and the ever popular Sea of Nietzsches design is now available as an iPhone cover! Just in time for Giftstravaganza ’11!

- Nick

Disgusting fact: New research has found that 65% of people with genital herpes contracted the virus from someone with no clear or visible signs of the infection. More disgusting fact: This means that 35% of people with genital herpes contracted the virus from someone with clear and visible signs of the infection.

The metaphysical status of Nietzsche’s syphilis has been a controversial subject. It now seems pretty unlikely he actually died from Syphilis; most seem to agree he died of schizophrenia, a brain tumor or cancer. Whatever it was it was more debilitating and took much longer to kill him. And way less street-cred obviously.

- Matt

Byron, Poe, Baudelaire and de Sade are also involved in a second, unspoken form of one-upmanship involving the juxtaposition of serious expressions and outrageous neck-attire.

Huge thanks to everyone who liked our link last week, unfortunately we were not given the hundred grand. Fortunately I’m quite accustomed to not being given a hundred grand – it happens to me almost daily – so the feeling is not alien to me. I guess with 750 other entries the odds of winning must have been like, one in a million. Probably. I’m not good with complicated statistical equations. Anyway, thanks.

Next week: We delve deeply into the controversial subject of Nietzsche’s syphilis.

- Nick

Important, grovelling request:

Matt and I are writing a film. Hold on to your butts, because if you follow this link you can not only read all about it, but you can click the little Facebook “like” button and vastly improve our chances of securing the funding needed to actually make this thing. This is the easiest and free-est way that you can pretend like you are a functioning patron of the arts. What an opportunity for you! We’re competing for this funding with about 500 other films, so it’s a long shot, but every like counts. If we can pull this off it will literally be the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I once sang Wild Thing with Sam Neill at a party, so the bar is set pretty high.

- Nick

Another bio for you – some more to come.

Matt

P.S. Sexism is wrong.

Ok, now that the all-consuming madness that is the Edinburgh Festival is behind me, we can get back to supplying you with pictures and words. By popular demand, we’re gonna do a few more of these little philosopher cards, hopefully to the point where we have something resembling a comprehensive set. The others can be found here.

Speaking of links to do with this website, why not go to our facebook page and like us? It’s been a while since we begged you for approval. Also, if you’d like to cover your torso in something that not only conforms you to standards of public decency, but is also amusing to passersby, why not check out the t-shirts we have in our store? Thanks.

Thanks heaps to those of you who made it out to see me perform in Edinburgh, with particular thanks to Gabriel Neil, who was good enough to  review me, and favourably no less. I’ll be mining that one for pull quotes for some while, I imagine. Gabriel, I owe you a pint.

Below is a photo of me with Edinburgh’s greatest contribution to dead philosophy — David Hume. The toe is shiny due to superstitious types rubbing it for good luck. I can’t be the only one to see the irony there. I do feel somewhat sorry for Hume having to sit around all day in his neo-classical get-up with one man boob constantly exposed to tourists and Scottish weather.

- Nick