Dear Dead Philosophers in Heaven Reader,

We’d just like to take this space to say thank you, because really it’s you that makes this website worthwhile. Because we care about you, we make these 5 simple  promises you can always trust. That way you can always know that this comic is the best possible thing you could spend your time looking at, with the lowest possible chance of contracting a bacterial genital disease.

1. Unlike other webcomics out there, we will never sell books made with ink from the blood of murdered prostitutes. That’s the Dead Philosophers difference!

2.  Visiting this website will not significantly contribute to the slow, inevitable, systematic destruction of your humanity. (Only 8% of the internet can make this claim.)

3. Both authors can be reliably depended on to drink at least 40 oz of London Dry gin both during and after the production of every comic. That is our level of commitment to you.

4. Gin or no gin, we will spell “Nietzsche” correctly at least 85% of the time. When we are in error on this, or any other matter, please send us an email pointing out our mistake, and rest assured that we will mercilessly beat the small Dutch boy who does our spell checking. His name is Jacco. He is eleven.

Sincerely,

Matt & Nick

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